


Cursed

by foreverinfiction



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:37:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinfiction/pseuds/foreverinfiction
Summary: Tessa wakes up coughing blood, symptoms Jem recognizes from his past. Takes place during the time frame of LOS but doesn't overlap with most of the characters.





	1. The Blood

The blood was new. Tessa’s body ached and had been aching for the past two weeks, but the blood was new. She coughed as quietly as she could but suppressing it made it worse, and soon, she was doubled over, sitting in bed, trying to catch the blood being violently forced out of her body. _Please don’t let him wake up_ , she thought. _Please don’t let him see me like this_.

Much to her dismay, she felt the bed shift as Jem stirred and sat up next to her. Gently, he placed a hand on her back. She coughed the rest of the blood out of her throat without Jem saying anything. Slowly, he stood up and grabbed a wet cloth from the bathroom and wiped the blood off of her hands while she caught her breath. She leaned into him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He handed her a glass of water and she took slow sips.

He didn’t speak until she had handed the glass back to him to place on the nightstand. “It’s getting worse,” he said, matter-of-fact, as if they were talking about the news and not her coughing up blood like she had contracted tuberculosis.

“Not that bad,” she lied. She was still out of breath and her ribs ached. She rubbed her hand along her stomach, just below her breast to try and work out some of the tension.

“Liar,” he said. “Come here.” He pulled her into his lap and she leaned back into him. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “We need to call Catarina.”

Tessa nodded but she was already drifting off into sleep. Jem held her tighter as the worry seeped through him.

* * *

 

Jem repositioned himself so that he sat on the edge of the bed and could watch her sleep. He had known she wasn’t feeling well, but he never thought it could be this bad. The blood this morning worried him. People got sick, he reminded himself, even Nephilim, even warlocks though it was rare. Tessa had said as much, likened this to the flu and made a joke about her being a terrible patient, and Jem had laughed, believing her because there wasn’t anything to suggest otherwise. She complained about her body aching, about a low fever that had started and broken a few days ago. Little things that worried him but he could dismiss. People got the flu. People did not wake up and choke on blood.

Tessa slept fitfully but deeply, fever dreams almost. She moved and turned, murmured and groaned, but when he reached to touch her face, she did not wake. Her forehead was warm, but he had tucked her in under the heavy comforter they had and didn’t let himself worry about another fever quite yet. Gently, he held her hand in his, running his thumb over the back of her hand, and he talked quietly. He just talked about random things, the weather, the city they were in. It was nothing she needed to know, nothing important, but Will had done it for him. Jem hadn’t been one to have fever dreams very often, only a handful of times, but it had scared Will, so Will had talked to him. It kept Jem grounded through the dreams, although he never told Will that he could hear him, he hoped it would do the same for Tessa, that she could ground herself enough to make it through the worst of the dream.

Jem wasn’t sure how long they stayed there like that until she startled awake. Jem saw her flinch and he held her hand a little tighter as her eyes opened and she oriented herself to the room again.

“Jem?” she whispered.

He squeezed her hand. “You’re okay. I’m right here.”

She looked up at him and for a moment, just a moment, he didn’t recognize the eyes looking back at him. He blinked and he was looking back down at Tessa again, but he couldn’t shake the uneasiness that came from it. Something about her eyes had been wrong, but he couldn’t place it.

He forced himself to smile at her. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m going to be sick,” she answered and started to pull herself up and out of bed.

Gently, he pushed her back into bed. “Stay here,” he said and stood up.

Shaking her head, Tessa paled. “No. I’m going to be sick,” she said again. “I’m going to be sick.”

Jem grabbed the bin from the corner of the room and brought it over to her. “Standing will make it worse,” he explained.

Tessa didn’t get a chance to answer before the vomiting began. Jem held the bin with one hand and pulled her hair back with the other. It was just clear fluid, but her body shook with the effort, and when she stopped and looked up at him, her cheeks were stained with tears.

“It’s okay,” he said. “You’re okay.”

She gave him a weak smile that said she didn’t believe him. “I think I’m done,” she whispered.

He nodded and gently helped her settle back into the bed before taking the bin and washing it out. In the kitchen, he filled a glass with water and dug through the cabinets until he found some plain crackers. He took a moment in the kitchen to recollect himself. The eyes looking back at him hadn’t been Tessa’s, but they weren’t a stranger’s. He couldn’t place them and that bothered him. He knew Tessa could Change but he had never seen her Change only one part of her body, and she hadn’t Changed for years. She refused unless it was an absolute necessity and there hadn’t been a reason for her to Change. Jem took a deep breath and walked back to their bedroom.

Tessa smiled at him when he walked in and he came to sit next to her. “Do you think I’m pregnant?” she asked. “We’ve been trying for a while. Do you think maybe that’s why I’m feeling sick?”

“Maybe,” Jem said. _But pregnant women still don’t cough up blood_ , he thought, but he wouldn’t worry her with that. “Do you want to do the test today?”

Nodding, Tessa reached for his hand and she smiled weakly at him. Shakily, she stood up and disappeared into the bathroom. Jem waited on the bed, and she came back out with the test a few minutes later. She curled up next to him and held the test so he could see it.

“How long do we have to wait for this one?” he asked.

“This one is fancy. It comes up on the screen when it’s done, so we don’t have to guess over the two lines or not. I think this one takes maybe ten minutes or so,” Tessa said.

Jem wrapped an arm around her shoulders and they waited in silence until the test chirped at them. Tessa sighed and Jem held her closer.

“Maybe the test is wrong,” she said. “This one says it isn’t as accurate as the other ones.”

“Tess, we need to call Catarina,” he said. “You’re not pregnant. Coughing up blood is not part of being pregnant.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “But I can explain pregnancy. I can’t explain this.”

“Which is why we call Catarina,” he said again. “She knows more than we do in this.”

Tessa shook her head. “I don’t want to call her.”

“Why not?” Jem asked, pulling back so that he could look at her but she wouldn’t meet her eyes.

Tessa didn’t answer him. Instead, she pulled him back into bed and tucked them under the covers. She lay with her head on his chest and he held her close, matching his breathing to hers.  “Not yet,” she whispered when he thought she had fallen asleep. “I just don’t want to call her yet.”

“Okay,” Jem said and forced himself to relax. He didn’t like it. The coughing up blood, the fever, the vomiting, and the achy body. He remembered all of that, and he didn’t like that he could make that connection to her symptoms, but he could call Catarina if it got worse. For now, he just held her close to his chest and drifted slowly off to sleep.


	2. Fever Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essentially, one of the worst nightmares I could possibly give to Tessa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the rest of the story are pretty dark. I will do my best to tag it appropriately, and it will have a happy ending, but this chapter really sets the tone for the rest of the story, so if you don't like this or aren't comfortable with it, please stop reading. I have two other stories that focus on Herongraystairs that are much happier.

Tessa’s skin was too warm, but she couldn’t move to push the blanket off of her.  _ Too warm, too warm, too warm _ . She repeated it like a mantra in her mind. She was asleep but she could feel everything happening to her, could see everything happening even though her eyes were closed. Jem pulled the comforter tighter around her, and Tessa heard herself groan and felt the corners of her lips turn down in a frown, but Jem didn’t move the blanket away. She couldn’t collect herself enough to do more than frown. 

Jem’s fingers touched hers and they were like hot needles, burning and pricking and uncomfortable, but she couldn’t pull away from that either. She lay there, enduring the heat and the pain for what felt like decades. He brushed her forehead with his other hand, and that sent sharp radiating pains through her body.

He started murmuring to her, but it sounded as if she had cotton in her ears. Everything was muffled and was too loud but not loud enough to make out what he was saying. Tessa grimaced again, but Jem didn’t stop talking. 

_ Too hot _ , she thought again. She was burning, her skin surely had to be burning. She couldn’t be this hot and not be burning.  _ Get it off. Get it off. Get it off. _

Tessa couldn’t breathe, but Jem’s words persisted, and slowly, the heat and the pain faded out of her focus. All she focused on was his voice. Jem’s voice. Her husband’s voice. He kept it even-toned and rhythmic.

Slowly, so very slowly, Tessa began to drift. The edges of her vision and her feelings began to fade. She was too hot still. She knew the heavy comforter was still against her skin. She knew Jem sat in a chair next to the bed while he held her hand and spoke to her. Nonetheless, she felt weightless, as if she were no longer attached to the earth around her. She drifted slowly in the darkness, Jem’s voice lulling her into the darkness, and finally, finally, the darkness surrounded her completely and she was able to let go of the pain and the heat and the noise.

* * *

 

Tessa was in the library of the London Institute. She wore the blue velvet dress Charlotte had made for her, and her hair was braided. The combination of her dress and her hair was uncomfortable. Sophie would have never let her leave her room without her hair being neatly tied up in whatever fashion Sophie thought would suit her activities for the day. 

Tessa tried to take a deep breath and was startled to find it more difficult than she anticipated.  _ The corset _ , she thought. She was out of practice of wearing one, but no, that wasn’t right, was it? When did she not wear a corset? Sophie had done it up this evening before Tessa had gone to the Lightwood estate in Chiswick to confront Benedict. She had gone with Charlotte and Will. 

_ Will _ , she thought suddenly. He was supposed to meet her here. They had agreed to talk after they returned from Chiswick. And then the door to the library was opening and Will was coming in, locking the door behind him. 

“Will,” she heard herself say as if it were from a distance. 

She didn’t get a chance to say more. He crossed the room quickly and then he was standing in front of her, grabbing her upper arms and pushing her back against the wall. He looked at her quickly, glancing down at her lips, and then he was kissing her. His eyes closed, and Tessa closed hers as well, letting herself melt into the kiss. Will gasped quietly against her mouth, and he took a step forward so that his whole body was aligned with hers. 

Tessa loved the feel of him against her, loved his warm lips that tasted of chamomile tea and oranges and the night air of London, loved his warm body pressing her against the wall, loved the small smile turning the corners of his lips up. Despite all of that, she felt her arms raise up and shove Will in the chest. He stumbled back away from her, and Tessa was startled by it. Surely, she didn’t mean to push him away. 

“I thought—” Will started, running his fingers through his hair. “Tess, I thought you wanted to—” 

Tessa cut him off. “I cannot,” she heard herself say. “We can’t. I am engaged to Jem.”

“Jem?” Will said abruptly. “James? My Jem?”

Tessa looked away. “Yes. He proposed to me this morning and I said yes.”

Will looked shell-shocked, and after a pause, his expression changed, one full of dangerous hope. “We can tell him.” Will said desperately. “He would understand. We could tell him.”

Tessa blinked at him. “Tell him what, William?”

Will paused and then grinned at her. “That I love you. That you love me, or at least I believed you did.”

Tessa felt her heart ache but she made her decision and reached for him again. “Yes. Yes, Will. I love you.”

“Thank god,” Will said, and then he was kissing her again. “Tess,” he moaned against her lips and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer to her. Gently, she began to peel away layers of his clothes. First, his jacket, and then her fingers undid the buttons of his waistcoat until finally she was undoing his shirt and her skin touched his. 

Will pulled away, gasping for air. Their foreheads were pressed together. “But Jem,” he whispered. They were so close that Tessa could feel his breath on her lips as he spoke. “You should tell him.”

Tessa shook her head. “I will. Tomorrow.” She kissed him again, reaching for his belt. “You locked the door, right?” she asked.

Will grinned and turned her around so that she was pressed with her chest against the wall. She gasped, but he was pressed up against her as he unlaced her dress, hurriedly pulling it away from her. And then she could feel him, hard and wanting against her. Impatiently, he turned her around again and picked her up, using the wall to support her weight as he undid his belt and buttons and pulled himself free of his pants. And then they were coming together, burning like fire, as they kissed against the wall in the library.

* * *

 

Tessa was in Jem’s room, his lovely violin music echoing slightly as he finished the piece he had been practicing. She gave him a small smile, and he returned it with a grin that lit up his entire face. 

“That was beautiful,” she said as he placed the violin gently in his case.

Jem blushed slightly. “I’ve been practicing it. I thought you might like it.” He came to sit in the chair next to her, and he reached for her hand. 

“You said you needed to tell me something,” he said softly, happily, as he looked at her with all of the trust in the world. 

Tessa met his eyes and then looked away. “It’s about our engagement.”

“Of course,” Jem said immediately. “We should probably start planning the wedding. They do say it takes some time—”

“No,” Tessa said firmly, cutting him off. “No, we should not start planning our wedding because it is not going to happen.”

There was a long pause of silence, and Tessa risked a glance at his face. She immediately regretted it. The words were difficult to get out, but his expression was of total and complete heartbreak. She could see the pieces of him shattering, saw the cracking as he processed what she had said, saw the slivers fall to the ground. It was irreparable, she thought. There was no coming back from this. 

“I—” Jem started and then took a moment to gather himself. “I don’t understand.”

Tessa couldn’t look at him. “I do not want to marry you any longer, James.”

Jem stared at her. “I— I understood that. But, what changed? It was just yesterday—”

“Will,” Tessa said. “I love him and he loves me, and—” she paused and took a deep breath. “He can offer me a life that you cannot.”

Jem reached for her and she pulled away. “Truly?” he asked and the tone stung. “You truly love Will? You cannot imagine being with me?”

“I can,” Tessa said. “I can imagine it quite clearly. We may have a year, two if we are lucky, but you could never give me what he can. I want to have children, James. Even if I learn later that I can’t, I want to try, and you could not give me that.”

“I—” Jem stuttered. “I know that I do not have much time left, but I could speak to the Silent Brothers about giving you children, about looking for a cure. Please, Tessa. Give me a chance to speak with them. Will— you talked to me not three months ago about how cruel he was to you. Has your heart changed course so quickly?”

“It’s not a matter of my heart, James. I care for both of you, but this is a practical issue. What happens to me after you die? What then? I would rather have a lifetime with someone who can be cruel at times than a few months with a man who will die as an addict.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and Jem would not meet her eyes. Her words were unforgivable. Desperately, she said, “I still care for you, James. I do, and I would hope that we could still be friends—” 

Jem shook his head. “No,” he said quietly, and then louder. “No. I do not believe that I could do that.” He took a shaky breath and he still wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I wish you a happy life with Will,” he whispered. “But I do not believe that I can be your friend.”

“James,” she started, but he was standing and walking towards the window. Tessa watched him adjust his posture and stride for his aching joints. 

“I should rest,” he said quietly. “And I’m due for another dose of the drug. I wouldn’t want you to see me as any more of the addict than you already think of me as.”

Tessa nodded silently and stood. She walked to him and kissed his cheek. He didn’t move, and she turned away, walking towards the door. Before she shut the door, she glanced back at him once more. She saw him take a short shaky breath. That was all she saw before the door shut.

* * *

 

Tessa woke in a heavy mahogany bed, and it took her a moment to place it as her room in the Institute. Sunlight streamed through the gaps in the closed curtains, and Tessa guessed it had to be mid-morning. How had she slept so late? She sat up slowly, and there was a knock upon her door. “Come in,” she said quietly, expecting Sophie. 

Instead, Will came into her room and smiled at her. “I know it is not proper,” Will said. “But I thought I might escort you to dinner.”

“Dinner?” Tessa asked. She glanced back at the window, but the sunlight had changed. It was now a darker orange. 

“Yes, dinner,” Will said with a small laugh. “It is generally the meal people have in the evening. Charlotte wants everyone to help out with researching Mortmain’s parents.”

Tessa stood. “Will you help me get dressed then?”

Will nodded. “Of course.” He was actually quite good at it, Tessa thought. His hands maneuvered the corset strings easily and she was dressed quickly. 

“Mrs. Herondale,” he said and winked at her. She laughed and took his arm as he led her out of her room. 

In the hallway, Jem was stepping out of his room, and the three of them froze, staring at one another. Jem was deathly pale, almost as if his skin were made of paper, and Tessa wanted to urge him to go back to bed, to rest, to take some medicine that might help him feel better. Will spoke first. “You don’t look well, James.”

Jem winced. “I’m fine enough to help with some research.” And that was all he said before he walked away. He was leaning heavily on his cane, and Tessa could see the effort it was costing him to just walk down the hallway. 

“I forgot,” Tessa said to Will, but she spoke loudly enough that Jem could hear her. “I had a book I wanted to show you. Do you think Charlotte would mind if we were a few minutes late?”

Will was frowning after Jem, but his tone was cheerful when he answered her. “I do not think she would mind. Which book was it?”

They retreated into her room for a few moments and allowed Jem to walk before them. 

“He isn’t doing well,” Will said. “James, I mean. Even on his worst days, he isn’t usually that pale, but I can’t feel it. Usually, when he gets ill, I can feel it, like a pit in my stomach.”

Tessa reached for his hand. “Perhaps he is feeling better than he looks.”

“Mhmm,” Will murmured. He didn’t look satisfied with her explanation, but he also didn’t speak any more of it. “Well, shall we go? That should be enough of a head start for him.”

* * *

 

Weeks passed before she saw Jem again. He was refusing to see anyone but Sophie and Charlotte, and Will was worried enough to spend the night sitting in the hallway outside of Jem’s room. It was bad enough that Tessa had begun pulling Will into her room at night so that he could get some sleep. In the dark of the night, they lay in bed together. He rarely touched her, rarely faced her, rarely spoke to her. No one told her anything of Jem’s health, not Will, not Charlotte, not Sophie. 

One night, her bed was cold, and Tessa woke to find Will missing and the door to her bedroom open. There was chaos in the hallway. Sophie hurried by with a tray of something acrid smelling. Tessa heard Charlotte say something to Will but couldn’t make it out. Then she saw Will, sitting in the hallway, his knees pulled to his chest. “Please, Charlotte,” he said. “I can’t feel him. I need you to tell me if he dies. Please just tell me if he dies.”

Charlotte agreed and briefly ran her hand through Will’s hair. Charlotte looked up at Tessa and frowned, shutting the door firmly behind her as she went into Jem’s room. Tessa stood, pulling on her robe and moving toward the hallway. Will looked up at her and shook his head. “I can’t—” he said, and his voice got caught in his throat. “I can’t look at you right now,” he said and moved his gaze to the floor.

“Will,” she said gently, despite the lump forming in her throat. “Tell me what is going on.”

Sophie came out and answered her. “He stopped taking the medicine weeks ago. Brother Enoch says his hours away from death, that is what is wrong.”

Tessa wasn’t expecting the sharp tone in her voice. Sophie looked at her with contempt. “He told you,” Tessa whispered. 

“He did,” Sophie said. “And I think it’s very selfish of you to break his heart like that. If he dies today, his blood will be on your hands.”

Tessa flinched and looked away. “Will,” she whispered desperately, but he wouldn’t look at her, didn’t defend her, didn’t offer her safety or protection or comfort. Slowly she walked away, down the hallway. She wasn’t sure where she was heading, but she couldn’t stay there. 

Tessa found herself in the library again, tucked in a small window seat on the second floor. She was shivering from her core, her whole body shaking. She wrapped her robe tighter around herself as she stared out at the courtyard. The tears wouldn’t fall. She couldn’t cry, couldn’t get herself to do anything besides stare out the window and hear Sophie’s words repeating in her mind.  _ If he dies today, his blood will be on your hands _ . It was cruel, she thought. Cruel to place Jem’s death on Tessa, cruel for Will to not protest when he had asked her to leave Jem. 

But it was true, she thought. If he hadn’t taken his medicine since she had called off their engagement, his death would be her fault.  _ Your love sustains me _ , he had told her.  _ I need less and less of the drug when I am around you _ . That was his proposal and barely a day later, she had betrayed him, had broken his heart and shattered his trust. Had torn him away from happiness, had taken away his best friend, the one who he relied on to care for him. It was her fault, Tessa conceded. It was her fault, and Will and Sophie blamed her. And Charlotte. The look she had given Tessa had been more painful than a dagger. She needed to leave, Tessa thought, but she had nowhere else to go. This was her home and she destroyed it. She had come in and taken away the one they loved more than her. She was always going to come second to Jem. If it came to sacrificing her to save him, they would have given her up in a heartbeat. 

Jessamine had hidden the Black Volume under the floorboard of her room, and Tessa stood slowly as an idea crossed her mind.  _ It doesn’t hurt to look _ , Tessa thought. When she returned to the hallway outside of her room, Will was still sitting outside of Jem’s room. He looked up when she came near and when he recognized her, his expression turned to one of disgust and betrayal. Tessa hurried past him and once she was safely in her room, she shut the door. Prying up the floorboard was difficult and left her with a bloody finger. She flipped through the pages until she found something that would work for what she wanted. 

An inverted binding spell. One that tied the death of one person to the life of another. She could save Jem, she thought desperately. They didn’t want her. Mortmain wanted her, but if he didn’t have her, it would give the Shadowhunters an advantage. All she had brought them was pain and inconvenience. She had betrayed their trust. Her life was better to be given to save Jem than spent causing them pain. 

Taking a deep breath, Tessa read through the spell and held the jade pendant Jem had given her. She should have given it back to him, but now she used it. She hadn’t practiced magic, but she felt her energy flowing out of her and into the pendant. “I’m so sorry, Jem,” she whispered. She felt her magic draining, felt her energy draining and stopped before it all disappeared. 

She left herself with a fraction, just enough to make it to the door and hand Charlotte the pendant. She told her that Jem had given it to her, that it was a piece of his parents that he needed to have. Charlotte took it and assured Tessa that she would give it to him. She dared one last glance at Will when she passed him again in the hallway. It was the last time she would see him, and he hated her.

Tessa had barely shut the door to her bedroom before she collapsed into darkness.

* * *

 

“She hasn’t moved in four hours,” Jem said anxiously to Catarina.

Catarina frowned at him. “She may just need rest. Did you take her temperature?”

Jem nodded. “It was 99 when she went to sleep. It’s 104 now.”

“Fuck,” Catarina murmured. “Alright. You called Enoch?”

Jem nodded again. “She’s been feeling weak for a few weeks, but it was worse this morning. She was coughing up blood and didn’t want help.”

Jem talked to Catarina as he led her to their bedroom where Tessa was sleeping. She had beads of sweat on her forehead, but each time he felt her skin, she was freezing. He’d been a healer while he had been a Silent Brother, but this was unlike anything else he had seen. “Magnus is sick, too,” Catarina said. “Alec said he came down with a fever yesterday, although his wasn’t as bad as Tessa’s.”

When they reached the bedroom, Catarina touched Tessa’s forehead, and Tessa groaned, flinching away from the touch. “That’s new,” Jem said. “She did that when she fell asleep at first, but she didn’t move a single muscle for the past four hours.”

“Tess,” Catarina said gently. “Tessa, if you can hear me, I need you to wake up.”

Tessa struggled a bit and then her eyes opened. They were a bright purple, but they faded quickly to her normal gray eyes. Tessa looked startled for a moment and glanced around the room. Her gaze fell on Jem and she started to sob. Her whole body was shaking and she curled in on herself. 

Catarina gave him a look that he could read clearly. Him being in the room wasn’t helping. He walked out of the room and shut the door quietly. He sat outside in the hallway and waiting for Catarina to come get him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:
> 
> This is Tessa’s dream of possible events that could have happened at the end of Clockwork Prince. I do not believe Tessa would have done this, and I fully support Herongraystairs. This is not me digging up the old arguments of Tessa being a bad person. Her dream makes sense to the plot later and has a lot of foreshadowing in it. 
> 
> One change I made from CP is the Black Volume. I believe it is the Book of White Jessamine hides in Tessa’s room, but it will make sense why I changed it in later chapters. 
> 
> I know this was very angsty, and it will be explained in future chapters and I am writing this with a happy ending but this is about where it will be for the rest of the story, just as a heads up. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!


	3. The Warning

Waiting outside was hell. Jem felt anxious. Enoch arrived shortly, and he passed Jem without a word. When the door opened, Jem got a glimpse at Tessa. She did not look good, he thought. Her skin was so pale, and she was shifting around on the bed. Catarina had removed Tessa’s shirt, leaving her only in her bra and pajama shorts, and she was pressing a cool cloth to Tessa’s forehead. 

“Tess,” Jem whispered. She was in so much pain, he thought. Then he stood and walked to the door. “Catarina,” he said. “Let me help. Please. I can help.”

Catarina glanced at Enoch first and then nodded at Jem. “My biggest concern right now is getting her fever down,” Catarina said. 

_ If she has an infection, her body may need to keep the fever to burn it out _ , Enoch said, and Jem shivered. 

“I don’t think this is an infection,” Catarina said. “There’s a thick cloud of magic on her. James, when did she start to feel ill?”

Tessa groaned and shifted again. “Jem?” she murmured. “Jem, is that you?” Her eyes were closed and she groaned again. 

Jem stepped up to the bed and held her hand. “I’m right here, love.” Then he turned to Catarina. “A few weeks ago, but she just complained that her joints ached a little and she didn’t have a great appetite. She thought maybe it was the flu or some virus. This morning she was coughing up blood and couldn’t stay awake for more than twenty minutes at a time. The fever started around noon. She— she thought she might be pregnant, but we did the test and it was negative.”

_ I do not believe she is pregnant, but you should continue to check in case it is simply too early to tell. Nevertheless, James Carstairs, a pregnancy would not cause these symptoms, _ Enoch said.  _ The magic you see, Catarina Loss. I believe it is a curse. _

“Malcolm,” Catarina said. “Magnus talked to Julian and Emma when they killed Malcolm.”

Jem stayed silent and looked at Tessa. Enoch and Catarina talked over him, but he wasn’t listening. He wasn’t her doctor, wasn’t her nurse, wasn’t treating her. He was her husband, and he let himself just focus on being her husband. He brushed her hair back from her face and she blinked up at him. Her eyes were a dark, deep blue again, but they faded quickly enough that Jem questioned whether or not he actually saw it. It frustrated him. He recognized the color of the eyes. The shape was different but the color was so familiar. 

“Jem?” she said. “Jem, I had the worst dream.”

Jem smiled sadly at her. “Fevers tend to do that,” he told her gently. “Are you feeling any better now?”

She nodded gently. “My ribs don’t hurt anymore. I still feel weak, but I feel like it’s passing.”

Jem kissed her forehead. “You still have a fever, but it’s not as bad as it was.”

_ Theresa _ , Enoch interrupted.  _ What do you know of Annabel Blackthorn? _

Tessa frowned at him. “Not a lot. Malcolm loved her but he didn’t talk about her much. She died young, I think, but I don’t know how. It wasn’t something I ever looked into.”

_ And you, James, _ Enoch asked.  _ What of your knowledge of Annabel _ ?

“Same as Tess,” Jem said. “I saw records of her in the Silent City, but I never had a reason to look into them. Why?”

Catarina frowned at him. “Let Enoch and I do some research first before we worry you.”

“That’s not comforting,” Tessa said. “That’s like saying, ‘I think you have something horrible, but I want to make sure it is horrible before I tell you.” 

Catarina touched Tessa’s forehead. “I am not going to lie to you, Tessa. I am worried about you. The fever and symptoms you have are not indicative of a common cold. But I don’t have a specific diagnosis for you yet. Let me narrow down some options. I’ll take a blood sample just to check and make sure it isn’t something mundane like TB before we spend time on magic. What concerns me is that Magnus is sick with the same thing, but neither Jem nor Alec are showing symptoms. I am going to leave the comforting to your wonderful husband, who is also a trained healer.”

Jem nodded at her, but he wasn’t really listening. “James,” Catarina said, and he looked at her. “I am not putting you in charge of treating Tessa, but I do need you to help track symptoms. If her fever gets worse or gets better, let me know. You should check her temperature every half hour, and she should drink eight ounces of fluid each hour, whether that’s water or juice or broth, that’s up to how she’s feeling, but make sure she’s hydrated. I’ll come back tomorrow morning to check in again, but let me know if anything changes drastically.”

“I can do that,” Jem answered. “Catarina, can I speak with you for a minute?”

Catarina nodded and Tessa watched them walk out of the room. Jem shut the door quietly behind them. “Her eyes keep changing when she wakes up,” Jem said. 

Catarina gave him a sideways glance. “Did you not hear Enoch and I discuss that?”

Shaking his head, Jem frowned. “No. Sorry. But it wasn’t just Malcolm’s eyes. Just now, when she looked at me, they were dark blue, the same color this morning. It fades so quickly, but I recognize them, and I can’t place them, and I don’t know what it means.” Jem was rambling, and Catarina was looking at him funny. “What?” he asked. 

“Blue eyes,” she said. “Who do you know with blue eyes?”

“Alec,” Jem said immediately. “And maybe the Blackthorns, but they have more green in their eyes.” And suddenly everything clicked into place. “Will,” Jem said. “Will’s eyes were dark blue.”

Catarina nodded. “I never met him, but if Malcolm cursed her, Will may be intervening. I don’t know why that is affecting her eye color, and I need to do more research, but I think that may be what is happening. I’ll go to the Spiral Labyrinth tonight, and Enoch is going to check with the Silent Brothers.”

“How can I help?” Jem asked. 

“Write down symptoms and times that they occur. The more information I have, the better I can help. Keep her drinking fluids and resting, even if she starts to feel better. I’ll check on her again in the morning.”

Jem nodded, and Catarina gave him a small smile. “She’s awake and talking now,” Catarina said. “And she’s strong. You know that. She’ll push through, especially if she has both you and Will taking care of her.”

Jem smiled at her. “Thank you,” he said. 

Catarina went back in to see Tessa and collect a couple of blood samples. Jem held Tessa’s hand  through it, although Tessa seemed to be doing better. She was sitting up and talking, still weak and still very pale, but awake and talking and coherent. Jem let himself believe, for a moment, that she was truly getting better, that after weeks of feeling ill, her system was getting rid of it. It only lasted a moment before the sinking feeling set in that they were merely in the eye of the storm.

* * *

 

That night, Jem fell asleep laying next to Tessa. He had been fighting sleep for the past hour, nodding off before waking himself up and taking a minute to walk around and splash cold water on her face. 

“James,” Tessa said when he returned from the bathroom. “You need to sleep. I am feeling better,

and you are exhausted. Come to bed and get some sleep.”

“I’m okay,” he said. “I only needed to walk around for a minute.”

Tessa frowned at him. “You are not okay. You’re barely standing. It won’t help anyone if you pass out, and although I am feeling better, I am not yet able to fix you if you faint. Come sleep. I’ll be okay for a few hours, and if I’m not, I’ll wake you up.”

Jem looked at her, and she raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed. “Let me at least get you the things you need first.”  

Tessa conceded to that, and he went downstairs to fill up her water and get her crackers and place a bucket next to the bed in case she got sick again. Once he did that, Tessa helped him take off his shoes and the hoodie he was wearing. He fell asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * *

 

Jem dreamed of the music room in the Institute. He had brought his violin in to practice, and Church had followed him in. Jem sat in the chair by the window, his violin laying in his open case, the bow in his hand, Church wrapped around his feet. He had paused but he wasn’t sure why. 

His wrist ached where he held his bow, and he leaned forward to place it back in the case. A sharp pain went through his ribs, and he froze, gasping in air, waiting for the pain to pass. He gasped and tried to keep the movement in his ribs as minimal as possible until the pain subsided, but it wasn’t subsiding. He tried to lean back in the chair, but that made it so much worse. Jem gasped again because making more of a noise than that would make the pain worse. 

Suddenly, there were strong hands on his back and a voice at his ear. “Breathe in slowly,” the voice said. “The pain isn’t going to go away on its own. You have to work it out. Just take bigger and bigger breaths until you can stretch it out.”

Jem closed his eyes and followed the voice’s instructions until finally, as he had said, he was able to stretch and the pain slowly faded. He took a few more breaths just to be sure it was manageable before he opened his eyes. 

Looking up at him was a young man, with dark black hair and striking violet eyes. He smiled at Jem, and Jem gasped. “Will,” he said. “Will, it’s you.”

Will grinned. “Alas, it is me. Were you hoping for someone prettier? I could go get six-fingered Nigel if you’d prefer.” Then his smile faded, “We have to be quick though. You need to know that this curse on Tessa is on you as well. It’s connecting the two of you, and I’m not sure why. I’m doing my best to combat it, but it’s a damn strong curse. What the hell have the two of you been up to that you pissed someone off enough to put this curse on you?”

“I don’t know,” Jem said. “Catarina thinks it was Malcolm, but he was Tessa’s friend. What do you mean this curse is on me too?”

“He has a message he’s wanting to get across. I don’t know what it is, but you need to be careful. Tessa is feeling sick because it’s part of his message. She’s not actually sick,” Will said urgently and then his figure faded before he snapped back into focus. “Bloody hell,” Will swore. “The bastard is being, well, a bastard. Tessa’s symptoms, they’re your symptoms, James, from when you were sick. You aren’t showing symptoms, but you are a part of this curse as well. Magnus, too. Tell that to blue warlock that is helping you. It may steer her in the right direction.”

“Will,” Jem said desperately. “Will, I miss you. I—” 

Will smiled at him. “I have a feeling we’ll be together sooner than you might think. I have to go for now. That bastard keeps pushing in and taking all of my bloody energy. Wake up,” Will said. “Wake up, James, and take care of yourself.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I switched the direction of the story a bit so that hopefully, it won't be as angsty as I initially intended. Let me know if you think it flows okay from the first two chapters.


	4. The Eye of the Storm

Tessa slowly got better over the next week. Her fever subsided and her pain faded. She fell back into to her normal self and they both returned to their normal routine. They were sitting at the small breakfast nook in the kitchen when Tessa brought up the question. “Do you still want to have children?” she asked. 

Jem looked up at her. She had been reading and still held her book open in her hands. Jem had been drinking his coffee and looking out the window. “Yes,” he said. 

“We haven’t really been trying lately,” she said. 

Jem hesitated on how to respond to her. “You were sick,” he said. “And then you were recovering. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

“Sex is supposed to help with the healing process. It boosts endorphins and all that.”

Jem smiled at her. “What are you suggesting, Tess?”

Tessa closed her book. “That you take off your pants, James.”

Jem laughed. “We’re in the kitchen.”

“So?” Tessa said. “We live alone. We are in the country. There’s no one here to tell us no.”

Laughing, Jem stood and reached for her hand. “Then come here,” he said. She giggled and reached for him. Jem loved this, loved her smile and her kiss and the brush of her hair against his cheek. He wanted to conceive their child based on this, on their laughter and a lazy Sunday morning with the window open and the smell of lavender coming in on the breeze.

* * *

 

Jem woke in the late afternoon. Tessa was playing with his hair and he smiled up at her. “I love you,” he said. 

She smiled. “I love you,” she whispered and then kissed him. He kissed her deeper but she pulled away. “I’m too hot for another round.”

“You’re hot?” he asked. They were in their bed, both still undressed and tangled in their white duvet. The window was open. Jem loved this house they had bought in the south of France. He loved the smell of lavender and walking with Tessa through the cobbled streets of the small town just down the hill. 

“I’m hot,” she said. “It’s August.”

Jem rolled into her and she laughed but didn’t push him away. “I love you anyways.”

Tessa laughed. “Do you want to go into town tonight? We could go to that restaurant you like for dinner.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Jem said. 

Tessa smiled and relaxed further into the mattress. “Boy or girl?” she asked. 

Looking up at her, Jem thought about his answer. “I’m not sure. Maybe a girl. I could learn to braid her hair and teach her to play the violin. Do you want a boy or a girl?”

“Either,” Tessa said. After a pause, she said, “I don’t have any girl names picked out.”

Jem thought about that too. They had been doing things like this for months as they tried to conceive. They talked about the future as if it was already here, as if they already had a child. “Sophie?” Jem suggested. “I like the idea of naming our daughter after Sophie. Or you,” he said. 

“Me?” She asked. 

“Men get to name their sons after themselves. Why can’t our daughter be named after you?”

Tessa thought about it and Jem waited. “Maybe her middle name.”

“Sophie Theresa,” Jem said. Tessa scrunched her nose. “Or not,” he said. 

She smiled. “What about for a boy?” 

Jem hesitated. “William,” he said. “I’d like to— that is, if you’re okay with it— I mean—” 

Tessa kissed him. “I like William.”

“William and Sophie,” Jem said. “What if we have twins?”

“If we have twins named William and Sophie, they will probably kick me incessantly,” she said laughing. “But I like the names.”

“Me, too,” Jem answered. He pulled Tessa closer and put his hand on her lower stomach.

She ran her fingers through his hair. “I love you,” she said. 

“I love you,” he answered, automatically, without hesitation.

* * *

 

Jem woke up in a cold sweat. His joints ached and his ribs hurt but that wasn’t what was bothering him. His shoulder was burning. He sat up and rubbed at it. Slowly, it faded, and he stood up and walked to the mirror. His parabatai rune was intact, faded, but still intact. Tessa was still fast asleep in bed, and he left the room quietly. 

Once he was downstairs in the kitchen, he started the coffee. It wasn’t too early, he reasoned. It was nearly five and he doubted he would be able to go back to sleep. He stood next to the coffee maker while it finished brewing then poured himself a cup and sat at the small table next to the window. He hesitated before dialing Catarina’s number. 

“James,” she answered quickly. “I was just going to call you. Are you and Tessa okay?”

Jem frowned. “I’m fine. My parabatai rune burned and woke me up, but I’m fine now. Tessa is sleeping upstairs. Why? What happened?”

“The curse got stronger,” she said. “Enoch and I have been watching it and something with it shifted today.”

“Something else happened,” Jem said, picking up on her tone. “What else happened?”

He heard Catarina sigh and then he heard her stand up and walk across the room. “Jem?” Magnus said.

“Hi,” Jem said. “What’s going on?”

Magnus hesitated. “Can you come to New York?”

“Tess is sleeping, but I can wake her up and ask her to make a Portal,” Jem answered. 

“No,” Magnus said. “Don’t wake her. Can we come to you? Do you have space for say- eight people? Which house are you at?”

“The one in France,” Jem said. “We could make that work. You still haven’t told me what’s going on.”

Sighing, Magnus answered. “It’s a bit difficult to explain. I’m giving the phone back to Catarina so she can explain the curse to you.”

“Jem?” Catarina said. “What did you and Tessa do yesterday?”

Jem blushed before answering. “We talked about having a baby. We’ve been talking for a while, but we— um, we tried for the first time since she got sick.”

“I think Malcolm was angry at the two of you. You two got to be together after a century apart, and he didn’t have that with Annabel.”

“So this curse…?” Jem pressed, but Catarina didn’t respond. “He wants us to be apart. That’s what this curse is trying to accomplish?”

Catarina sighed. “As far as Enoch and I can tell. We’re going to need to do some experimenting here, James, and you aren’t going to like it.”

“If it saves Tess,” Jem said. He pushed his coffee away from him. He had a pit in his stomach. He pushed the feeling down. He could bear a bit of experimenting. Tessa had taken on so much, she had been so sick. He could do whatever Catarina thought would help.

“Can you tell her you want a divorce?” Catarina said and Jem’s hope fell. “I know it’s a lot,” she said quickly. “And if I’m wrong and nothing happens to the curse, we tell Tessa everything. No actual paperwork, nothing final, just a temporary experiment.”

“And if it works?” Jem pressed. “If this weakens the curse?”

Catarina didn’t answer. “Let’s just start here and see what it does.”

“I don’t like this,” Jem said. “I really don’t like this, Catarina. We can’t tell Tessa anything, can we? That’s part of this too, isn’t it? Malcolm was angry that he felt isolated, and so we’re isolating Tess, too. She won’t have any support through this.”

“Unfortunately, no,” Catarina said. “Not if this experiment works, but let’s just start with this step. We can plan more as we know more.”

Jem sighed and looked out the window. He didn’t have a good feeling about this. They had suffered so much already to be together. He allowed himself to feel angry for a moment, to curse the universe for forcing them to overcome yet another hurdle to be together. And then he pushed that anger away because that wasn’t who he was and because he needed to save Tessa and that took priority over his anger. “Okay,” he said to Catarina. “Okay,” he repeated. “I can do that. What else is happening? It sounds chaotic there.”

“Malcolm was playing with necromancy,” Catarina said. 

“Yes,” Jem said. “I knew that.” He sounded rude. He knew that, and he forced himself to take a breath. “Sorry,” he apologized. “What does that have to do with what’s happening now?”

“Will’s here,” Catarina said. 

Jem stopped breathing for a moment. His world came to a stop. “Will’s here,” he repeated. “What do you mean?”

“Here,” Catarina said, and then he heard her voice talking to someone else and the phone changed hands. 

“What the bloody hell am I supposed to do with this?” a voice said. It sounded far away, as if the person was holding the phone away from them, but it was Will’s voice. Will’s voice, that Jem hadn’t heard in more than fifty years. Will was there, holding Catarina’s phone. Jem couldn’t move. He heard the phone change hands again. 

“Believe me?” Catarina said. 

Jem cleared his throat. “How?” he said. 

“We don’t know,” she said. “Enoch and I are still doing research, but Magnus is going to bring everyone over to you.”

“Do they know about the curse?” he asked.

Catarina hesitated. “No,” she said. “They don’t remember much. William,” she said louder, turning the phone away. “How old are you?”

“However old you want me to be,” Jem heard Will answer faintly. 

Then another voice came through. “Seventeen,” she said. It was Charlotte. “He’s seventeen.”

“I don’t know if I can do this alone,” Jem said honestly. “Do they know about Tessa?”

“Magnus is coming over too, with Max and Rafe. And he’s working on figuring that out. It will probably be an hour or so before we can get the portal up and working and can send everyone through.”

“Okay,” Jem said. “Should I tell Tessa about them? Do I tell her about the divorce now?”

“Tell her about the divorce now so that we can see what happens with it,” Catarina answered. “I know this is rough, James, but we’ve got your back.”

Jem hung up the phone and took a deep breath. He couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling in his stomach. He felt the same anxiety that he felt before going into a battle. Taking a few more breaths to steady himself, Jem finished his coffee and went upstairs to wake Tessa.   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time since I've updated this story, but here's another chapter. Let me know what you think of it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a huge work in progress, and I am trying to get a really solid outline done for the plot so that it doesn't feel jumpy, so there may not be an update for a while, but I wanted to post this chapter and get some feedback, so let me know what your thought are on this story. Thanks for reading! :)


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